Lover I Don't Have To Love
by Sopherdoodle
Summary: Set Mid S5 Emma has hit a breaking point. It seems like nothing in her life has gone right recently. Manny is always off with Craig, Spike is busy with Jack, and Snake is always taking overtime at work. Thoughts of the shooting still haunt her, and she'll


Title: Lover I Don't Have To Love  
Rating: T Ship: A bit of.. well. You'll see.  
Genre: Angst and SongFic(chapter 2 only)  
Spoilers: Nope. It's set sometime in season 5 after Craig and Manny start dating again and before Peter and Emma start dating. So I'd say before Tell It To My Heart. Around Turned Out.  
Summary: Emma has hit a breaking point. It seems like nothing in her life has gone right recently. Manny is always off with Craig, Spike is busy with Jack, and Snake is always taking overtime at work. Thoughts of the shooting still haunt her, and she'll do just about anything and go just about anywhere to find comfort. Is going back to a familiar but dark place the best thing for her?  
POV: Emma This is a two chapter mini-fic type thing. Maybe more. I dunno where it will go. I just suddenly got the motivation to start this. I've had the idea for awhile, but haven't been able to put it on paper (er.. in type :p) until now.

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Force equals Mass times Acceleration.

She kept repeating it over and over in her head. It just wasn't clicking. Sure, she understood physics. After all, all it was was just plugging a bunch of numbers into equations. She even understood Newton's other laws. She just couldn't get it right. Something was stopping her from concentrating, but she couldn't figure it out for the life of her.

"Force equals Mass times Acceleration. It's not that hard, Emma!" She found herself yelling, frustrated. It wasn't that hard at all. All she had to do was take two numbers and divide them. This shouldn't be a problem for her, she felt she should be able to do it. All the words and numbers were blending around to her, mixing around on the page, blurring together. He head started to ache, not painful enough to make her sick, but a strong enough ache to realize that maybe she shouldn't study anymore. She wanted to study, she had to! She needed to learn this for the test tomorrow. She just couldn't figure it out.

She slammed her book shut, staring at the design on the cover. She looked over at the clothes sprawled across the floor. They belonged to her friend, Manny. Manny had been living with Emma for a month or so since Manny's parents kicked her out. Emma didn't mind so much. Having Manny around wasn't so bad. Manny was usually really supportive of Emma, and Emma was really thankful. She often wondered if Manny knew how much Emma really did appreciate her. Things were just always crazy for Emma. Her life has been like a speeding train. It just keeps going faster and faster, it doesn't stop. Things keep happening to her, and the train starts to accelerate with each new drama, making it impossible to stop.

Oh great. Acceleration. She just HAD to go there, didn't she? Just had to remind herself of the physics test she was taking in, oh less than twelve hours, that she was not at all ready for.

Her head was throbbing now from all of that thinking, she could barely keep her eyes open, it was causing her so much pain. She had to go upstairs to get some Tylenol. She knew it was bad to go upstairs to wake up her brother, but she couldn't take it anymore. Hoping that Spike wouldn't get too angry at her for risking waking up Jack, she silently tiptoed up the stairs, making sure she skipped the stair that creaks loudly whenever someone even steps on it lightly. She honestly didn't want Jack awake either. She never understood the saying "terrible twos" until this year. It was nearly impossible to get that boy to fall asleep! Spike was a saint for putting up with that every night.

She finally reached the kitchen cabinet and grabbed the bottle, taking out two, and taking them. She started to slowly feel better although she knew it would take more than two seconds for the medicine to kick in. Smiling softly hoping that maybe now she could actually be able to concentrate, she walked softly back to the basement door, trying not to make even the slightest noise. She was almost there. If only she could just reach that door knob..

THUD. Emma tripped and fell flat on the floor right by the door. Rolling her eyes, she removed one of Jack's toy cars out from under her feet and silently cursed her 'amazing' luck. Within an instant, a cry was heard from one of the rooms above Emma's head. No, it wasn't a cry, it was a scream. One of those piercing screams that are so loud one can't hear themselves think.

"Emma Christine!" an annoyed voice shouted from her mother's room, "Your brother was asleep! You know how hard it is to get him there!" Jack truged sleepily down the stairs, crawling over to Emma and picking up the truck she tripped on.

"Truck! Truck!" Jack exclaimed, waddling around the kitchen holding the toy above his head. Emma watched as her stressed out mother ran down the stairs, chasing after her almost incontrollabe son.

"Sorry mom," Emma explained, "I've been studying physics.. or trying to, and I got a headache. Sorry about Jack." Emma gave an apologetic look to her mother as Jack ran through Spike's legs over to the couch and started bouncing on it. Spike looked angry for a second, but her angry look changed to sympathy in a quick moment.

"It's okay, Em," Spike apologized watching Jack run with the car all over the living room, "You did nothing wrong, I've just been.. stressed." Emma nodded looking at her mother. Her mom had every reason to be stressed. Jack was not even close to being easy to handle, and Snake always seemed to be called for overtime at Degrassi. Apparently Hatzilakos needed his help with a new network that was going in the school. Although Snake's bringing in a lot of money for his extra work, he's rarely home to help with Jack. Emma can only really talk to him at school, and even then it's a quick conversation. She really missed having her father around, just like things used to be.

"It's understandable. Things will go back to how they were after the network is set up, I'm sure," Emma replied, giving her mother a reassuring smile. It was as if sometimes she could tell exactly what her mother was thinking. Her mother smiled back, believing Emma, but Emma wasn't even sure if she believed herself. Spike pulled Emma into a comforting hug, and suddenly, the entire house was silent. Spike glanced over on the couch noticing Jack fast asleep, sucking on his thumb. Emma couldn't help but smile. Although he was quite the little devil sometimes, he sure was adorable while sleeping.

"If only it wasn't so hard to get him to sleep, I'd take a picture," Spike whispered jokingly, trying to make light of everything. Emma chuckled and smiled as Spike walked over to Jack, carrying him carefully upstairs.

"Get to bed soon, okay, Em?" Spike added before continuing up to put Jack to bed. Emma nodded and stood silently waiting until she heard that Spike was settled in bed herself. She sighed softly staring out the window. At least the Tylenol was starting to click in and her headache was slowly going away.

She walked down the stairs in the basement, trying to be extra careful this time. She even automatically skipped the one stair that creaked loudly when she stepped on it. Trudging over to her bed, she collapsed on it, sending her physics papers flying all over the room. She sighed deeply staring at the ceiling. Her headache was getting better, but she didn't feel like studying anymore. She couldn't sleep either. She sat up and glanced at the neon green numbers flashing on her alarm clock.

"It's only 10 o'clock," she realized out loud. She was pretty much stuck in the basement, she couldn't risk going back upstairs. She sat up quickly, grabbing the first zip-up hoodie she could find, not even caring that there was a huge care bear on the back of it. She quickly climbed out the window that was at the top of her room in her basement. She could always depend on that window when she needed to escape. It was surprising how both of her parents were still so naive that they didn't figure out that both Emma and Manny used that window to sneak out at night even when they were only freshmen. Emma guessed her parents were too busy with their own problems that they didn't need to worry about her sneaking out at night. With Snake always at work and Jack being such a handful, Spike had more things to worry about than Emma's window.

Crawling out of the window, she stood up to see her best friend Manny leaning on the wall and kissing her boyfriend, Craig. Ever since they got back together weeks ago, the two have been completely unseperable. Emma glanced at the ground quickly. Craig and Manny seemed to be getting pretty hot and heavy, the noises of lips smacking were intensifying by the second. Emma didn't really want to appear as if she had been watching them, but she didn't want to interrupt either. She wondered if her life was really meant to be one huge awkward moment after the other. She cleared her throat loudly wondering if she could get them to interrupt their face-sucking fest.

Craig and Manny's eyes widened as their heads whipped around. Emma chuckled, she figured Craig and Manny were expecting the worst, maybe even Manny's father. Not that he would be lurking around Emma's house at night, but he hadn't been Craig's biggest fan ever since they met. Craig and Manny's faces both dropped in relief when they realized the person standing in front of them was only Emma.

"Em! "How is the physics studying going?" Manny asked trying to make this situation a little less awkward. They invited Emma to go with them to the movies earlier that night, but Emma politely declined using the fact that she had a huge physics test as her excuse. Watching a movie sitting next to Craig and Manny with their hands all over each other was not Emma's idea of fun.

"It's great. I guess," Emma started, "Don't worry, I'm just going for a walk for awhile." Manny and Craig glanced at each other quickly, raising their eyebrows and smirking.

"Where are you going, Em?" Manny asked quickly, probably going to figure out how long Emma's walk will take. "Are you okay?" She added quickly.

"Probably to visit my Dad at work, I guess," Emma shrugged, starting at the couple. She could sense that Manny and Craig wanted their privacy, she could probably cut the sexual tension in half with a butter knife. "I'm fine, I'll be awhile though," Emma added. She noticed the excitment in Craig and Manny's eyes when she mentioned that.

"Okay, see you later, Em!" Manny squealed excitedly grabbing Craig's hand and heading towards Emma's escape window. Manny managed to mouth to Emma that she owed her one before disappearing into Emma's basement.

Emma laughed softly thinking about her best friend, Manny. She was glad that Manny was finally really happy. Manny always was there for Emma in the past whenever she needed her. Even through the toughest times, like her break-ups with Sean or her family issues. Manny needed something to make her happy, and Emma believed that Craig was exactly what she needed right now. Sure, Craig hurt Manny numerous times in the past. Emma truly believed that Craig was more mature, and she hoped that he wouldn't hurt Manny. They both seemed genuinely happy. Normally Emma hated watching all of the happy couples in the halls. She didn't really mind as much with Craig and Manny. She was honestly glad to see Manny happy again, especially after being kicked out of her house.

She was too lost in her thoughts about Manny and Craig to even realize that she was now in front of Degrassi Community School. It was getting quite chilly, Emma had to bury her hands in her sleeves and put them in her hoodie pocket. She walked up the steps of the school wondering if her father was anywhere to be seen. She silently cursed Hatzilakos for making him work these long hours on the computer network.

Pressing her face against the glass doors, she didn't see anyone around. The MI lab wasn't visible from the front door, but she thought she'd at least be able to see a light on from there. After staring at the Degrassi mural and the empty hallways for a moment or two, she sadly walked down the stairs, defeated. She turned back around and noticed a light on in Hatzilakos' office. At least didn't just make Snake suffer these long hours, at least she suffered them too.

She started walking home, hoping Manny wouldn't be too upset if Emma came home a little early when she heard loud music blasting from the side of the school. She knew exactly where the music was coming from. She could picture it now, the group of so called 'rebellious' kids who loved getting so drunk they couldn't think for themselves anymore. She knew it was wrong. She knew who was there, that it was dangerous. With every last bit of her strength, she tried to walk away, just walk back home.

But she couldn't. Something was drawing her to the blaring music, Something was causing her to walk slowly over to where she made one of her biggest mistakes the year before. Something was dragging her feet slowly towards the school's ravine, and she couldn't quite figure out what that something was.


End file.
